Author: Jenny Robinson at Hinton & Co

Topic: Communication skills

About: Hinton & Co

Jenny Robinson and Colin Henney, Hinton & Co. Ltd, provide a distinctive approach by fusing skills and knowledge in organisational psychology and practical employment law. They combine their individual experience of 20 years’ consulting and advising to bring about workable solutions.

OVERVIEW

Influencing is about gaining the co-operation of others, it is not pushing, bullying, bludgeoning or haranguing.

Steps to get you started:

1.  Get clear with yourself who you want to influence about what

It’s easy to assume you know what you want to achieve but many people skip this first basic step. Before you step into a conversation with the intention of influencing the outcome check you are able to articulate what outcome you want. And, be sure you can distinguish the difference between what you want and what you need – they are often poles apart.

2.  Be a good listener

We’ve all got work to do on this step. When we coach people in influencing skills, we say “no one is ready to listen to you, until you have listened to them” and we don’t mean in a nodding-dog way. We mean pin back your ears and really listen.

Throughout the whole discussion believe that the other person comes from a place of goodness. If you’re passionate about your ideas and you’ve invited someone to critique them you may be inclined to start rehearsing your rebuttal as you hear them speak. Don’t. Try and hold a belief that this person wants the best outcome too, they simply see it differently. If you believe their push back is “from a place of goodness” you will be quick to see the points of similarity on which to build.

3.  Enter their world view

At the risk of being repetitive this is about how you listen. It can’t be stressed enough that good listening is deep listening. As you attend to what is being said by others enter their world, understand why they hold their views. In every way you know-how mentally sit beside them and see how see what they see.

4.  Have your points organised by themes

People who have great influencing skills know how to enter a subject forward, backwards and sideways. Imagine for a minute that your subject is going to be a novel – you can start at the beginning and work forwards; you can start with the dénouement and work back to the once upon a time; or you can start obliquely and get the reader engaged that way. So it is with influencing. Be imaginative in the way you start making your point.

5.  Tell your story in a way they will recognise

And, building on point four above, the way you start should be linked to what you have heard when you were really listening. We’ll emphasise again, the more you have listened the easier it will be the make your point in a way that will chime with your listener.

6.  Do these things:

• Set a context for what you are saying – explain the 'why'.
• Be clear about what it is you are proposing – offer the 'what'.
• Conclude by explaining how your proposals are different and most importantly similar to those of the other party – demonstrate 'how'.

7.  Don’t do these things:

• Shoot the other person and / or their ideas down in flames – always show respect for them and their proposals.
• Start by saying “I disagree” (although there may be times when this is necessary to say, starting at this point is probably the beginning of an argument).
• Run out of time – make sure that you both have the time to take this discussion to its conclusion.

8.  Re-cap

Be clear with each other where you’ve got to and summarise. State as clearly as you can where there is agreement and where there is not – and also say why there’s not agreement. Again this demonstrates very powerfully that you have listened and understood their point of view. You may even find (and this is often the case) that when you summarise the conversation re-ignites and there is greater movement the second time round.

9.  Close

Where ever you get to end on a good note. Not a false note, not manufactured bon homie. Be respectful of the other party and possibly agree to disagree. Acknowledge any movement they have made and leave on good terms.

Disclaimer:
This guide is provided for guidance only. The provided information, whether ‘How to guides’, policies, procedures, samples, examples, or guidelines, while authoritative, is not guaranteed for accuracy and legality. While we make every effort to provide and link to accurate, legal, and complete information, we cannot guarantee it is correct for a worldwide audience. Please seek legal assistance, or assistance from your local or international governmental resources, to make certain that your legal interpretation and decisions are correct.