In the day job, TFC is mostly writing award submissions at the moment. There's an underlying structure of lack of winning opportunity and (in TFC's opinion) a "hierarchy of corruption" that TFC wanted to share...In effect, TFC believes that many awards can almost be bought. (At this point it should be noted that TFC has a healthy collection of reception glassware, so this isn't sour grapes).

There are different types of award ceremonies, all of which invariably end up with a black tie dinner. TFC suspects that the number of tables bought can have an influence at some - after all, there's usually an expectation that the table is paid for before you even find out if you've made the shortlist. TFC is not saying that people wouldn't fork out the £1k for a table if they found out they wouldn't feature on the big screens and have a chance of shaking hands with a minor celebrity, but.........

So here is TFCs guide to the murky world of awards

1. "Best" ones to win. Those that you weren't even aware you were in the frame for. These are independently market researched and driven by a desire to engage with best practice. Take a look at Intendance's Fast Fifty as an example.

2. At two - nominated by other people. These are great as they involve no work (on your part), but more importantly, are recognition of your efforts by someone you have worked with. (Boomtown Rats comes on the iPod and reminds TFC of shaking hands at one such ceremony with the other Bob Geldolf, whose claim to fame was being kept off the Number 1 slot by Shaddaup Yer Face).

3. Next notch down - "guess what, we the awards organisers have nominated you, do you want a table?" At least you've got your name on a list. TFC recently was told that a couple of colleagues had made such a list - but were only given a week or so to cancel everything and pitch up. Suffice to say, the awards organiser is keen to develop a relationship with the firm, the two people concerned were unavailable and so........they didn't win. Makes sense really - TFC can't remember ever being at a CSR/HR awards dinner when the recipient was a no show - it would devalue the evening after all. No photos., literally.

4. In at number 4 with a bullet - the workshop submission award. These give you a breakfast and a chance to find out how to complete the paperwork, invariably with a sales pitch from a previous winner and a reminder of the gala dinner that awaits. (There's an exception in this category - the City of London's Dragon Awards - who hold probably the best dinner of all and not a penny is expected to change hands to secure attendance). At least this way of priming submitees gives everyone a sporting chance of learning that their attempts to shoe horn a project into a dubious category is likely to fail.

5. Next up (or down). The staff survey awards - ending up in a Sunday Newspaper list no doubt. A lot of work. A lot. They make you sweat for the place in the hundred and some of it is based on what your own people think of you. Scary stuff. A previous employer of TFC employed someone to make sure that these lists featured that particular firm's name. Three years of notable absences later, the HR director moved on. TFC would not suggest that these events were linked or that the departure was anything but amicable, but........

6. Finally the worst offender. Pay to play. A CSR director recently told TFC that he "can write award winning submissions, regardless of the project content". It does make TFC wonder how much of some of these submissions is indeed veneer. Indeed, add a commitment to buy two tables at a dinner, in a time of tight budgets and credit crunch, and an easy to read document in a pile of random submissions....... perhaps the decision is made just a little less difficult.

Enough of the cynicism already. TFC is going to spend the rest of today scribing four of these of his own. So wish me luck.